self-care doesn't work

Stop Telling Moms That Self-Care Doesn’t Work

September 18, 2019

Stop telling moms that self-care doesn’t work.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves lately and I really want all of the mommy blogs, mom coaches, and instagram personalities to give it a fucking rest.

If I see another post that reads, “Self-Care Doesn’t Work “ I’m going to lose my shit.

Mostly these posts and headlines are click bait just to get some exhausted and overwhelmed mama to click through and read about some coaching program another mom is selling. Ew.

Sometimes it’s a blog written by an angry, frustrated mom who just wants her current experience of struggle to be validated and applauded. Which I get. Still, not helpful.

No matter what the source, I am telling you that this is a lie and we’ve got to stop letting people spread it for their own personal gain.

Listen, I’m not going to go all Marianne Williamson on you and say that self-care can cure cancer.

I’m not going to say that self-care will not only solve all of your problems but also contribute to world peace.

Taking care of yourself everyday won’t solve climate change or address the world hunger crisis.

It might not even keep you from yelling at your kids when you’re stressed.

But self-care does work and does have real life benefits.

So stop telling moms self-care doesn’t work just to serve your own personal interest.

Here’s the big problem with telling moms that self-care doesn’t work:

It gives them an out.

Telling a mom that self-care doesn’t work gives that overwhelmed, stressed out, exhausted mama permission to give up.

It gives her a little more weight to her excuses for why she can’t do small, simple things to take care of herself.

Telling a mom that self-care doesn’t really work allows her to say, “FUCK IT. I knew self-care was a waste of time.”

Is that helpful?

No. Not really.

Here’s the thing that everyone needs to learn about self-care:

It’s not all bubble baths and facials.

Self-care isn’t just eating chocolate cake in your bathtub like the Cat in the Hat.

It’s not limited to manis and pedis or massages or days at the spa.

I mean, all of those can be wonderful.

They’re just not representative of what self-care really is and why it’s so damaging to tell moms that self-care doesn’t work.

Let’s talk first about what self-care is so we have a working definition.

Self-care, in essence, is taking care of yourself.

That’s it.

Super simple.

Self-care can be both basic and lavish, boring and fancy.

It’s just not either/or.

Self-care can also be energizing and relaxing, stimulating or calming.

Again, it’s not either/or.

If you can get behind these basic ideas of self-care, we can move on to the purpose of self-care which is TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

Which is why saying that self-care doesn’t work is so damaging.

When you say that, you are in effect saying that taking care of yourself doesn’t work.

Let that sink in for a moment.

You are telling moms, a group of people who are already more inclined to put others need before their own, that taking care of themselves DOESN’T WORK.

How is that even remotely helpful?

Spoiler alert: It’s not.

Here’s what is helpful instead:

Get educated on what actions might be self-care that are non-traditional or not usually considered self-care.

This also requires an understanding of the fact that different people respond to different types of care in different situations.

Self-care isn’t one size fits all.

Some self-care is more nurturing, meaning it is more of what we gravitate to.

Other self-care, for the very same person, might be more balancing, meaning it’s not what we gravitate to, but it is sometimes what we need.

Here’s a handy list of some self-care that might not seem like self-care to you, but is for someone:

Organizing your sock drawer

Dancing in your kitchen

Listening to a podcast

Going for a run

Throwing away old tax returns

Doing Sudoku puzzles

Cleaning bed sheets

Weeding the garden

Creating art


Taking medicine

Sitting in silence

Waking up at 5am


I could go on.

The point is that self-care is not one size fits all. And more importantly, self-care isn’t about solving all of the worlds problems. It’s not even about solving all of my problems or your problems or anyone’s problems.

Self-care is the act of taking care of yourself.

And when you actually do that, it does exactly what it is supposed to do. It works.


Need a little more self-care support and inspiration! Join my FREE Self-Care Reset beginning Sunday September 22nd. 

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