In MOTHERHOOD, SELF-CARE

“Your energy flows where your attention goes.”

I didn’t create this idea, but it really resonates with me lately.

A few days ago I was listening to a podcast and the host said something that really stuck with me.

She compared using our energy to how we use money. Or similarly how we can use our time like we use money.

She said, “your energy is currency. Your time is currency.” And that powerful idea led me to this question: “How are you spending your energy? What are you investing your time in? What are you accumulating in the bank account of your life?”

Her podcast was actually about haters – people who troll you or hate on you just for the fun of it. She was talking about how giving your energy to the haters can prevent you from actually acknowledging the good you are doing in the world and the change you are creating.

I think this can apply to anything, though.

There’s a post that’s been making the rounds on facebook lately, at least among my yoga and wellness-minded friends. It reads, “If you do not make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness.”

Read that again.

We, as moms, have a habit of letting our own self-care slide so long as we are upholding the banner of motherhood and taking exceptional care of our kids.

And then we tell ourselves all kinds of untruths about time and worthiness, which do nothing to support our wellness.

Moms, we need to stop this.

We need to stop saying we don’t have time for self-care.

It’s not about time.

It never has been about time.

It is 150% to do with choice and priorities and the stories we tell ourselves about what it means to be a good mom.

For the record, I used to say it, too. And then I realized that I was kidding myself. I knew it was easier to say I didn’t have time to take care of myself, than to actually own up to the fact that I was prioritizing other things.

It was easier to let myself get burned out and depleted and cranky than it was to create a new way of doing things.

Sacrificing my health and happiness was an unfortunate side effect of the excuse, but I was willing to accept it because that’s part of motherhood, right?

This is another thing that needs to stop.

If we are ever going to revolutionize what it means to be a mother, we have to stop assuming that sacrifice and suffering are important parts of the equation. And we have to stop welcoming them in as invited guests, instead of choosing to spend our time and energy is healthier ways.

Listen, I’m not saying that motherhood is a piece of cake.

It’s not. Motherhood is challenging and messy and imperfect and hilarious and beautiful and amazing and unbearable and exhausting and joyful. And that’s all usually just before noon.

What I’m saying is that we don’t have to bypass taking care of ourselves just because we feel like it’s what we’re supposed to do. And we shouldn’t use time as an excuse when we do.

Here’s an interesting question:

What are the 2 things most moms want more of in their lives?

I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with lime and fenergy.

If we want more time and more energy, why do we actively tell ourselves it’s impossible to have either if we’re also “good moms?”

Why do we intentionally deprive ourselves of time and energy, constantly making withdrawals from our personal bank of wellness, but not making nearly enough deposits to avoid getting fined?

My time is a valuable resource. My energy is too. Wouldn’t protecting these things serve me in the long run?

Yes. And also, as moms we’re conditioned to ignore our needs in service of the needs of others.

We’re also human.

Personally, I’ve made all kinds of mistakes and judgmental errors even when I know better. Even when I know it could negatively impact my health and wellbeing.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one, either.

For me, it’s more about learning from those experiences and putting that insight into my health/wellness bank so I know better the next time.

Here’s the thing:

If we’re going to revolutionize motherhood, we have to stop hiding behind the excuse of not having enough time.

If we, as moms, want to actively take back our health and wellness, we need to learn how to spend our time and energy more wisely, making more deposits into the bank than withdrawals.

We need to make time for self-care and maybe even create a better understanding of what self-care is. And maybe, we need to stop writing self-care off as frivolous and unnecessary or simply not as important as cleaning the house/making a big dinner/folding the laundry/being the designated driver to soccer practice every single time.

So I’ll ask you now, how do you want to spend your time? How will you invest in your energy? What will you put in the bank of your health and wellness so you can accumulate more of what you need (aka time/energy) so you can use it when you need it?

 

Want to learn how to spend your energy and time more effectively in support of your health and wellness? Check out my yearlong Self-Care for All Seasons program. Registration is open!

 

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